Death Metal Ode to Crochet
Written by: Starling

I’m born to crochet
Bring death like mummifiers!
As I’m stitching you
Are starting to perspire!

Thoughts getting stringy
I’m unwinding my Death Yarn!
Now you are screaming
No more can you use your arms!

Chorus is sung in a high opera voice with slow pretty music:
~
Crochet all night long
Twisting this hook
I weave dark beauty
like stories in books!
~

Ancient craft demands
A sacrifice of cotton!
                                                           Amigurumis (pronounced: ah-mee-goo-roo-mee)
Their revenge shall be rotten!

Now I must relax
Holy Text instructs ‘chain loose’
With comforting thoughts
Of gifting you this soft noose!

~
Repeat Chorus
~

Lambs cool in summer
Romping without heavy coats!
You don their shed locks
They don’t care; they think you’re gross!

Behold decrease stitch!
The rounds are getting tighter!
Welcome to Craft Hell!
Yarn knots make tangled fire!

~
Repeat Chorus
~